


sick of losing soulmates (so where do i begin)

by TrinityLH (Trinity)



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Episode: s03ep17 Heavenly Fire, Good Boyfriend Alec Lightwood, Good Boyfriend Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, kind of, this doesn't end sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 12:04:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18446192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trinity/pseuds/TrinityLH
Summary: “You can’t- your magic- Magnus!” The walls fell, Magnus took a breath. “I see how you are without your magic, you’re not fine! Your father is giving you a choice, an easy one, and I’m not going to let you throw it away.”It seemed that when Alec opened up, he did it completely. Magnus went to refute, but his boyfriend beat him to it.“I’ve seen you without your magic, and I’ve seen you without me.” Alec smiled and it was full of pain. “You can live without me; you can’t live without your powers.”The storm in Magnus’ head rained fire.





	sick of losing soulmates (so where do i begin)

“So, he gave you a choice, me or your magic.”

 

Magnus stared at Alec across the room as he recounted what had happened this afternoon. His face was cold and devoid of emotion, as if giving a mission report at the end of the day. Magnus watched while his mind fell over itself, an ocean during a storm.

 

A beat passed.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay.” Alec repeated. He stayed where he was, his jaw clenching and his arms straining under the weight of his balled fists behind his back. Magnus didn’t like it.

 

“Alec-“

 

“I don’t expect you to choose me.” His boyfriend interrupted, “I want you to choose what will make you happy. What you won’t regret.” There was deeper meaning there. Words from the previous night echoed through Magnus’ mind as quickly as wind over the sea. It’s not the time for that conversation, he decided, not yet.

 

This was not something to be negotiated, not something that would be chosen in a second. If Magnus were to decide, which he doesn’t think he will, it will be after every other possibility is exhausted. The fog that has clouded his head since the loss of his magic started to dissipate, the beginning of sun peaking through the cracks. The rise of clarity was a little overwhelming.

 

“I’m not choosing.”

 

One second, two seconds, three seconds, and then-

 

“What do you mean you’re not choosing?” The words would have been spat if Alec had any less self control.

 

Magnus went to take a step forward, but Alec retaliated with a step back. “You have to choose Magnus. This isn’t negotiable, not really.”

 

Magnus took the time to look, to really look, at the man in front of him. He resembles the one he met just months ago; walls built so high you could call them trojan. His body exuded defence and pain and fear, so much fear Magnus thought he might choke. He rubbed his fingers together.

 

“I said I’m not choosing. This isn’t fair, none of this is fair, but I’m not going to choose if it means I’m going to get hurt anyway.” Magnus’ voice rose without permission. “So, thank you, but no thank you Alec, I’d like to figure something else out.”

 

The tension grew in the space between them as Alec’s mouth opened, ready to flood but nothing coming out. Magnus watched him straighten: a bow drawn taught without an arrow.

 

“You can’t- your magic- Magnus!” The walls fell, Magnus took a breath. “I see how you are without your magic, you’re not fine! Your father is giving you a choice, an easy one, and I’m not going to let you throw it away.”

 

It seemed that when Alec opened up, he did it completely. Magnus went to refute, but his boyfriend beat him to it.

 

“I’ve seen you without your magic, and I’ve seen you without me.” Alec smiled and it was full of pain. “You can live without me; you can’t live without your powers.”

 

The storm in Magnus’ head rained fire.

 

He took long strides until he was nearly chest to chest with Alec. His eyes were blown wide, he was being torn apart.

 

“How dare you. You know nothing about I felt, about how I _feel_! This isn’t a game, Alexander, this is a deal with the devil. And if you can’t see that-“

 

“I know that when we weren’t together you were able to _live,_ Magnus.” Alec would have yelled, if yelling was something he did. “You may have been upset and hurt and angry, but you weren’t _lost_. I look at you and all I see is pain, and fear, and longing for something that you thought you could never get back. How do you think that makes me feel?”

 

“I watch you push me away, everyone away, and all I can think is how there’s nothing I can do. There _was_ nothing I could do.”

 

 “You think I don’t know what I’m doing, what’s going to happen, but I know that this might kill me.” Alec closed his eyes. “I’ll never forget this type of pain, but I know that what’ll hurt more is watching you slip away when there was something I could have done about it.”

 

“I think… I might lose you anyway, so please make this easier and choose.”

 

Magnus watched Alec as he waited, with his heart cracked open like a casket, waiting for the funeral procession of retreating footsteps. What Magnus did instead was reach up and wipe away the tears he didn’t think knew fell.

 

“Alec.” Alec didn’t move.

 

“Alexander.” Hazel met brown.

 

“This isn’t a compromise. I’m not going to choose. You think I can live without you, but what you said the night Valentine died goes both ways. I'd rather die, Alec.”

 

“I’m not going to let my father tear us apart, not when you’re one of the only things I have left. I’m not lying when I say I love you, so we’ll find another way. I promise, you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

 

One second. Two seconds.

 

Magnus caught the man as he fell into his arms, sobs ripping their way through his boyfriends torn up throat. “Magnus-“

 

“Shh Alec, it’s okay.” They clung to one another, their hearts on their sleeves. “Promise me you won’t go and agree to anything without talking to me. I can’t live with that.”

 

Instead of answering, Alec straightened up. A soldier’s stance, with tears on his cheeks and red in his eyes. He’s never looked more beautiful.  

 

“Promise me you won’t regret it, then.”

 

A beat.

 

“I promise.” Magnus held out his hand.

 

Alec sighed.

 

“Then I promise, too.” He took it.

 

They stood in the room, a hairsbreadth apart. Their hands the only contact, but their hearts reaching across the distance and finding comfort in one another. Things weren't going to be easy, they knew, but they would be worth it. Alec looked at Magnus, he saw a storm. They stood across from each other, a hairsbreadth apart, as the room around them burned.

**Author's Note:**

> I already wrote a fic about this but it had a sad ending, and id much rather a happy one
> 
> not proof read


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